There I lay, overlooking my impending grave Judgment day, my wickedness has now condemned me For my crime, I suffocate and drown to death Down below, hanging this sentence ‘round my neck. There’s no more time to try to justify my deeds One last cry escapes my mouth before they choke me Tightening the rope, tying to the stone They intend to send me down to meet the devil on his throne A man arises, towering over the crowd And one by one my evils are read aloud No mercy comes from the voices around They will not be appeased till I am drowned So there we stood, the captors and the seized My last glimpse of sunlight and a soft breeze With no remorse they walk me to the edge Silently and suddenly they kick me from the deck This ends my journey on earth’s shore Thus begins my journey to the ocean’s floor

Eyes remain open as I slowly sink below The glare of the sun on the water May be the last light I ever know My memory fades with the evening rays Her memory slips from me Her Is she why I am here, Is she really why I am here? Forget these memories, I’ll push them all below Fate rushes over me like coldest winter snow Rid of my regrets I can finally be free My past I’ll submerge as the ocean drowns me I won’t let them take this from me I will take this from myself first Before I slip away, into oceanic oblivion Consumed by mother earth Forgotten by father time Crushed by pressure Beneath the salt and brine There will I find rest Freedom in release These memories I purge As the water cleanses me My past so real meets fate surreal I let this all go All thought in exile I let this all go Forget these memories, I’ll push them all below Fate rushes over me like coldest winter snow Rid of my regrets I can finally be free My past I’ll submerge as the ocean drowns me

There in the darkness of my mind I place these thoughts, that none should ever find As blue fades to black I close my eyes Drifting down to where there is no light Slowly passing away, Slowly passing… She opened those eyes, the hazel eyes of a child Perfect in her innocence But it couldn’t last in the perversion of this world How she wished to never blink again She screamed, but I never heard Quietly she lay in pain, corrupted by I never understood How evil like the waves could roll in Crushing spirit and inundating good In a moment there was no God left within The darkness reached out and took hold, And she was seized with a damning lust One soul tarnished with the act One soul ruined by the aftermath She screamed, but I never heard Quietly she lay in pain, corrupted by I never understood How evil like the waves could roll in On the shores of purity Breaking like her sanity Drink in deep, at such a young age, This was the end of your innocent stage

It’s a cold, unwelcome sickness Impressing itself on me The onset of psychosis Triggered by memories Suppression left me empty Lest the tide should fill the void They’ll crawl back in and haunt me Unless I can stop the noise Curse the name by which this brain has been made Its ill perfection refuses to let the past fade In black and white I hear her voice In screaming color I see her face Why must I remember Come forth, my resting place! How I long to swallow silt and muck To embrace this agony whither I am constrained One inhale should send me into death But I can’t awaken from this mental drain Fight, man! Fight this blasphemous reminiscence! Your end is sealed! No reason to recall The blood that stained your hands toward this disposition But that thought awaits below as you fall

Here I am, face to face with my past again There she stands, shivering and afraid Dilated pupils struggle to form a bleak stare Piercing my calloused soul with remorse Five years ago, throwing conscience to the fire When passion perverse had taken its hold With baited breath watching her from a distance Awaiting my moment to strip away her grace What Godless animation, this! To cast aside my mind and act on foolishness A thought long killed continues to survive And presses me to an unforgivable, A thousand times unforgivable deed Hiding away under cloud-covered night In darkness I smothered all inhibition Alone she walked, as the clock struck her years Into my grasp she fell, commencing my mission Eyes shut, over and over Cold touch, warmer and warmer Screaming, louder and louder Hoping no one will find her Now there’s no turning back, the act is accomplished Spirit’s conviction silenced, my soul is vanished The opposite of perfection is manifest The only justified punishment is death I escaped to live on, but forever she was trapped Dead inside, she fell into a life of wickedness Five years passed before they could not find her But my name they found on her suicide letter Did I take her life, her purity, In prepubescent indignity? Or it this reality all that it seems? This is how it should have happened This is how it would have happened But instead I lay alone only daydreaming such schemes The construct of my mind erased Confronted by a sinner’s face I only misbehaved inside my head But if my sin is psychological What this ocean so physical That purports to drain my life till I am dead?

Memories so clear scrape at my consciousness Am I really here, and what is the purpose of this? I recall on a dark, cloudy night making light of my lust This water has weakened my mind, I don’t know what to trust With uncertain psyche, a shout comes to deafen my ears Breaking my spirit and compounding all of my fears Though I cannot tell the actions apart from the dreams This voice unrelenting condemns me full well, with scream after scream: You raper, you raped her In your heart and in your mind Coercion, perversion Now forever you are mine Is there truth to this claim? I know I fantasized so long My head now hangs below in shame There’s no more hope for the one I wronged My life is sealed, along with eternity My drowning now towards burning then I wish this sorrow could be released from me But the hell-borne shriek reminds me yet again You raper, you raped her Tearing down her paradise Vulgarly destroying Now forever you are mine My perversion abolished her integrity This half decade she wasted in promiscuity I am the culprit, instigating her fall from grace She is the reason I was turned over to this place In hopelessness she built her makeshift gallows She wrote my name in blood then left this world Suicide at seventeen, such a hard thing to swallow The bitter end of brokenness for this beautiful young girl You killer, you killed her Her blood stains your sick design Condemning your standing By your hand this girl died You killer, you killed her Tie the knot above her spine Suspended, life ended Now forever you are... No! Listen for the voice, Look for the truth Did this ever happen He’s lying to you These accusations comprise deceit What could have happened in reality? You never laid hands on that virgin’s skin The only perpetration was that of your eyes Behind, o accuser! And search now within You are not responsible for her demise Open your eyes Open your eyes My child, open your eyes!

So this is how it ends I can feel the pressure of the deep The travesty of my sins Finds me in a comatose sleep But I will awaken, and soon I will taste The hope of recollection of my obscured history The liar’s proclamations are now laid to waste The hour is impending to unfold this mystery It was the pedophilic fetish of my heart That blackened and adulterated my thoughts No action did I intend to impart For debasement of self, and for terror of being caught I never laid a finger on her body Only in my vision did she concede By coincidence she faltered and became The willing pawn of immorality I placed the blame upon myself alone For thinking of her so objectively When fertility was found, she surrendered Her neck embraced by a rope of tragedy She screamed, but I never heard Quietly she hung in pain, corrupted by her own decision I never understood How evil like the waves could roll in Where could I have been? Is it really not my fault? With different eyes, could I have seen her pain? Is her blood on my hands? The screams of injustice are gone A whisper in my memory resurfaces A faith long lost brings a reiteration; “I will restore you and heal you” In my final moments I recall this word And plead for mercy to arise The millstone I placed on my neck is shattered There extends a hand to offer me new life The sickness that has possessed me Is dispelled by the panacea of heaven’s hand No longer will my perversion control me No longer will this burden I withstand My head strikes the ocean floor, My eyes behold the open door, His love overwhelms and washes over me I am free I see the waters peeled back in submission A thunderous voice weeps “Welcome, son, Behold the earth you knew now for the last time; Now, forever, you are Mine.”

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